A Pilot's Girl
by TimidQuarian
Summary: Commander Shepard has been brought back from the dead by Cerberus, and now she's recruiting all new team members and working with the untrusted enemy. But there is always one person she can count on, Jeff 'Joker' Moreau. SPOILERS! Takes place in Me2. Joker romance parts are made up. Rated T for mild language, and future mild scenes. Each entry will be around 1,000 words.
1. Chapter 1

Commander Emily Shepard sat in her cabin aboard the Normandy SR-2. She was still getting over the shock of seeing her ship as good as new. Sure there was a few minor tweeks here and there, but the Normandy was back. Emily scrolled through her messages at her private terminal. The Illusive Man was already sending her dossiers for her new team, but what Shepard really wanted was her old team. Liara T'Soni, Garrus Vakarian, Kaidan Alenko, Tali'Zorah, Urdnot Wrex, she had asked the Illusive Man about all of them, but of course he had no information what-so-ever. She had seen Tali again when she had gone to Freedom's Progess, but sadly couldn't convice her to come aboard the Normandy again. She did have Joker and Dr. Chakwas though. Shepard turned away from her computer in disgust. This was _not_ the original Normandy, this was _not_ her crew. Sure she desperatley wanted to save human colonies from the Collectors, but she wanted to do that with the Alliance, with her old crew, with the original Normandy. But that wasn't an option. Shepard turned back to her private terminal. She had recived dossiers for five new crew members. Mordin Solus and Archangel, who were at Omega, Jack who was some special biotic delinquet, a master thief on the Citadel, and 'The Krogan'. That couldn't be good. Krogan's were never good news. She stood and walked into her new private bathroom. There were some pros to the new Normandy. She had her own cabin now on her own level.

"Commander Shepard?" the AI's voice rang out in her cabin. Then there were some cons to the new Normandy.

"Yes, EDI?" Shepard asked running her hand through her dark brown hair.

"The Illusive Man highly suggests that you get to know your new crew."

"Thanks EDI. I will."

Shepard turned and walked out of her bathroom. The last thing she wanted was an AI telling her what to do. Though Joker and Chakwas would probably like to see her again. She had talked to Joker earlier for a brief moment, but he probably wouldn't mind seeing her again.

Shepard walked out of her cabin and took the elevator to deck 3, the Crew Quarters. The level looked almost the same. The Mess Hall sat in the heart of the deck, with the Med-Bay to the right and Captain Anderson's former office to the left. Shepard walked past some stranger crew members and straight into the Med-Bay.

"Shepard?" Dr. Chakwas asked looking up from her computer.

"Hey, I just wanted to see a friendly face," Shepard said leaning against one of the beds.

"I was hoping you'd come by soon actually," Dr. Chakwas joined her by the bed. "I wanted to check how your new implants were doing."

"New implants?" Shepard asked confused.

She hadn't heard of these 'new implants'.

"They didn't tell you?" Dr. Chakwas asked suprised.

"No..."Shepard looked into the docters eyes. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, not at all." Dr. Chakwas assured her. "But when they recovered your body, not all of _you_ was there."

"I'm not exactly following." Shepard tilted her head in confusion.

"Your body had spent a lot of time in sub zero tempatures, and you basically orbited into the planet. Some of your bones didn't survive that impact, so they used implants to make up for the missing parts." Dr. Chakwas explained.

"So I'm basically...part robot or something?" Shepard asked.

"If that's how you want to think of it then.. sure." Dr. Chakwas said. "Now I just wanted to complete a scan and make sure they're all intact."

"Go ahead." Shepard directed.

Dr. Chakwas stared at her omni tool for a minute then waved it in front of Shepards body. A little hologram of Shepards body showed up. It spinned around on the omni tool. Dr. Chakwas typed some information in and then looked up at Shepard.

"Everything seems to be okay." Dr. Chakwas nodded. "But you'll need to come here for monthly check-ups. Sometime your implants will need to be replaced, and if they aren't right away they could badly damage your body. We actually want to stay on top of that."

"Alright," Shepard nodded. "It's noted. I'll be back in a month."

"I'll have EDI remind you if you forget," Dr. Chakwas said.

"Don't worry. I won't forget." Shepard started walking for the door.

"I still remember when you wouldn't come in for regular check-ups Shepard. EDI is going to remind you." Dr. Chakwas sounded stern, but she had a small grin on her face.

"Fine. I have to go check up on Joker and then I should probably get started on those dossiers."

"Be careful," Dr. Chakwas warned as Shepard walked out of the door.

Shepard cared about Chakwas but sometimes she got on her last nerves. She reminded Shepard of a mom. She was basically the mother of the crew on the original Normandy, and she would probably become the mother of the new crew as well.

Shepard entered the elevator and went down to Deck 2, the Main Deck where the galaxy map, bridge, armory, and lab were located.

"Commander!" A woman with bright red hair greeted as Shepard stepped out of the elevator.

"I don't think we've met..." Shepard said stepping forward.

"I'm Yeoman Kelly Chambers," she said with a huge grin. "But please, call me Kelly."

She seemed almost to happy for Shepard's taste.

"What's your job here," Shepard paused. "Kelly."

"I basically let you know when you have new messages and/or if anyone on the crew wishes to speak with you."

"Isn't that a task better suited for a VI?" Shepard asked.

"Well being your yeoman is my official role, but I can do other things to."

"Like...?" Shepard asked.

"I have a degree in pshycology, so I can be therapist in a way."

Shepard looked torward the bridge, she really wanted to talk to Joker.

"That sounds good. You could really come in handy."

Kelly nodded and then smiled.

"Well I should get back to work Commander, talk to you later."

Shepard gave a quick nod and then walked torward the bridge.

nt here...


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey Joker," Shepard said as the door closed behind her.

"Commander!" Joker swiveled his chair around. "Can you believe it!? It's my baby! Good as new!'

Shepard loved that goofy smile of his, and his sense of humor. She hadn't realized how much she had missed him until now. She couldn't imagine not seeing Joker in his pilot chair of the Normandy.

"I know," Shepard looked around the cockpit. "Looks almost the same too."

"This chair is _real_ leather too, Commander! A seat that can breathe! Finally!" Joker gave out a little cheer. "I love Cerberus!"

"This cockpit wasn't made for your comfort Mr. Moreau. Cerberus just uses the best equipment." EDI cut in.

"And there's the con..." his voice trailed off. "Can we turn that thing off Commander? I liked it when my baby was quite, when I could sit up here and not be critizied."

"I wasn't critizing you Mr. Moreau, I am simply just helping you." EDI counteracted.

"Yeah yeah.. I'm sure you were." Joker then looked up at me expectantly.

"It has 'mute' button. Use it." Shepard looked at the glowing, blue orb that was EDI.

"Yeah, I guess it does." Joker turned back around to tap some things into the console in front of him. "Was there anything else Commander?"

"I was just thinkng back to the old Normandy..." Shepard said putting her hands on her hips. "All the trouble we got into.."

"Well sure, it seems like the good old days now, but back then it was hell. Sovereign, Saren the Geth... It wasn't all sunshine and bunnies back then you know." Joker looked back at Shepard.

"Yeah," Shepard said. "Have you heard anything from the old crew. Do you know who survived?"

"Well mostly everyone -Not Pressly- but everyone else. And not you, at first, anyways." Joker said a bit guilty.

"Look, you don't have to feel bad..." Shepard started.

"No, Shepard-I mean Commander, I do. I tried to save a ship that couldn't be saved. It's my fault you got spaced. God... I'm an idiot." Joker shook his head.

Shepard studied his face for a moment. All she wanted to do was hold him in her arms and tell him that he didn't need to feel guilty, that he wasn't an idiot. But she knew she couldn't. She had always had some sort of a thing for Joker, but she kept it to herself. Deep inside her where it would never be found.

"No, it's not your fault Joker," Shepard put a hand on his shoulder and he looked into her sharp, green eyes. "The Nomandy meant _everything_ to you. Of course you tried to save her. I don't blame you. I died happy."

"I'm sorry Commander...But how can you 'die happy'?" Joker asked.

"I knew that most of my crew was safe, I had saved the galaxy, a million lifes. I knew that I had saved the best damn helmsman in the galaxy. That's why I was happy."

"So you were happy because you saved me basically," Joker said sarcastically.

Deep inside Shepard wanted to answer 'yes' seriously because that's what was true. She had spent her last moments wondering if Joker was save. If he had got away. But he didn't feel that way about her, and she didn't want to make things awkward between them.

"Well what would the galaxy do without you? If someone else was going to save the galaxy they'd need you. And you're no good dead." Shepard said as she flicked his 'SR-2' hat.

"Watch the hat Commander," Joker said slapping her hand away. "I'm still breaking it in!"

"Before I go..." Shepard said. "Earlier you said that you loved Cerberus, and I just wanted to remind you that we're just using there resources, and..." Shepard looked at EDI uneasily, and then brought her mouth next to Joker's ears. "Don't trust them. Remember what they've done before. I know they let you fly again, they rebuilt your baby. But don't trust them." Shepard stood up and left the cockpit. Her words bouncing around Jokers head.

...

Joker was awkwardly silent for a while.

"Mr. Moreau? Are you alright? You are usually not this quiet." EDI adressed the concern.

Joker's head snapped in her direction.

"Huh? Yeah... I'm fine." Joker shook his head and returned to swiping on his screen.

"May I ask what the Commander told you?" EDI asked.

"Umm, no," Joker said annoyed. "It doesn't concern you."

Joker remembered how close she had been to him, and how he had loved it. But she wasn't into guys like him, he was a pilot with brittle bones and she was the strong, confident, Commander Shepard. Someone like Kaidan was more her speed anyway.

"Mr. Moreau?" EDI interuppted his thoughts.

"Can you stop calling me that?" Joker said furrowing his eyebrow.

"You have to be more specific Mr. Moreau."

There she, or it, went again. He was happy that Cerberus had let him fly again, but EDI was annoying the heck out of him.

"Isn't there a way I can turn that thing off," Joker muttered to himself.

"I'm sorry Mr. Monreau, but you cannot 'turn me off' and I am not an 'it' either. I am an AI, but not an 'it' but neither a 'she' or 'he'." EDI answered his question.

"You weren't supposed to answer that question..." Joker stared at his screen absently. "I was talking to myself."

This was going to be a long ride.

"I am sorry Mr. Moreau. I do not understand the concept of 'talking to yourself'."

"How about you stop talking," Joker said angrily.

Why wouldn't that thing shut up.

"I'm afriad I can't do that Mr. Moreau," EDI said.

"How about you don't talk unless I tell you too," Joker looked torward the blue orb.

"Yes, Mr. Moreau."

_Finally_. Joker thought. _Maybe I can pretend that this is still the original Normandy, that Shepard never died, and that this whole war was over._


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard stood uneasily at the galaxy map.

"EDI?" Shepard asked automatically looking up.

"Yes, Shepard?" EDI immediatly answered.

"Any advice on who I should aquire first?" Shepard placed her hands on her hips.

"My suggestion is to head to the Citadel first and aquire Kasumi Goto, while you're there I would also suggest speaking to Counciler Anderson as he wishes to speak with you." EDI stated. "But I am just an AI, you're judgement is better than mine."

"The Citadel it is." Shepard nodded as she sent the coordinates to Joker from the galaxy map.

"Mr. Moreau would like me to tell you that we are on our way. ETA is ten minutes." EDI said.

"Thank you EDI."

"Logging you out, Shepard."

...

Shepard stepped out onto the Citadel with Miranda Lawson, the girl who was in charge of bringing Shepard back to life, also known as the Lazurus Project, and her top lieutenant, Jacob Taylor. Shepard really had no choice on who to bring. There was no other able bodied soldiers on her ship to bring. She wished that Joker didn't have Vrolik Syndrome or she wouldv'e brough him with her instead. She didn't particularly trust either of them. Shepard was hoping that these dossiers were people she could trust, or learn to trust anyway, because she didn't trust Cerberus and she never would, but at this point it wasn't looking to good. A master theif? A strong, biotic delinquet? A krogan? Where was the Illusive Man finding these people.

"Commander Shepard?" An advertisment in the corner said.

Shepards attention turned to it. A girl showed up on the screen. A thick, purple line running from her bottom lip to the point of her chin was the first thing Shepard noticed. She looked to be wearing a dark outfit, the shadow of her hood barely revealed her eyes.

"Are you Kasumi?" Shepard asked walking closer to it.

"What's the password?" She asked simply not giving away any information about herself.

"Silence is golden," Shepard sighed remember the message the Illusive Man sent her.

"Great," the girl answered. "I am Kasumi."

"I heard you'll be joining my crew?" Shepard asked, her posture becoming more relaxed.

"Yes. I was told you'll help me with something."

"What is it?" Shepard didn't mind helping people, she would just need her own time to do it.

"A man named Donovan Hock killed my partner, Keiji, and stole his graybox. I need to get it back."

"Okay," Shepard agreed. "If that's what the Illusive Man said, that's what I'll do. But it will need to wait for a bit."

"As long as it gets done," Kasumi nodded. "And if we're lucky you won't need to draw your gun."

Shepard was surprised by this. A mission where she might not need to use a gun. If only all of her missions were like that.

"That sounds easy enough," Shepard said.

"Enough of this chit chat, I'm sure we'll have more time to talk on the Normandy. You're also starting to look kind of silly talking to an advertisment..." Kasumi chuckled as she looked down on Shepard.

Shepard looked up and spotted the thief on the next level up.

"Welcome aboard and see you on the ship," Shepard commented as the advertisement screen went blank and Kasumi vanished.

"Joker, come in?" Shepard clicked a button on her earpiece to contact the Normandy.

"Yes Commander?" he answered his voice smooth as silk.

"Kasumi Goto is headed to the Normandy, don't shoot her. She's not an intruder." Shepard smiled although Joker couldn't see it.

"Don't worry, we won't. There's nobody on this ship who has a gun right now," Joker commented. "Not very good protection if you ask me Commander."

"I'll work on that Joker," Shepard said. "Although I think you can handle youself just fine."

"Because having brittle bone syndrome makes me invinsible." Shepard could hear Joker let out a laugh.

"I'll be back soon, just have to talk to Anderson and I'll be out of here."

"Be careful," Joker said. "There are all sort of looney's out there."

The way Joker had said 'looneys' had made Shepard laugh.

"Noted." Shepard smiled then removed her finger from the button.

"That was easy," Miranda said, her australian accent strong and relaxed.

Shepard turned torward her. Miranda had defined cheekbones, and incredibly straight teeth, her eyes gleaming. She was a pretty woman... A pretty woman who knew how to defend herself. She hadn't heard much about the Cerberus Officer's past. But she did know that almost everything about her was genetically engineered. Her biotics, her power, her looks. Everything. She was engineered to be the perfect human. Thanks to her ego-maniacal father.

"I think she will be the only easy one to get," Shepard sighed.

Shepard headed torwards the heart of the Citadel. She needed to get to the Presidium, where Captain or Counciler Anderson was.

"Excuse me ma'am," a turian security officer stopped her at the entrance to the Citadel. "You have to be subject to a scan before you enter the Citadel. Don't worry it's a one time thing."

"Wow," Cerberus Operative, Jacob Taylor, commented. "Security has really become tight here."

The turian looked confused for a minute, as he glanced from his screen back to Shepard.

"Sorry for the inconvienace ma'am, but the scanner thinks you're... dead."

"I get that a lot, and it's really staring to annoy me. Do you know someone who can fix it?"

"Captain Bailey should be able to," the turian responded "He's right outside the door to the right."

Shepard nodded and the door opened. She walked straight up to him.

"I'm Captain Bailey, how may I help you?" The older man looked up at Shepard. He was clearly lacking enthusiasm.

Shepard opened her mouth to speak.

"Oh," he cut her off. "I see the problem. The scanner says you're dead."

"It says you're dead?!" Shepard heard Joker gasp through her earpiece. "Who would've guessed?"

_Was he listening in?_ Shepard tried not to laugh, or scold him for that matter. She didn't want to look unproffesional in front of C-Sec Officer. _Screw C-Sec_ she heard Garrus's voice in her head. She shook her head slightly.

"I'm sorry," Bailey paused. "Is there a problem?"

"No," Shepard said quickly. "My pilot's just being an ass on the other end of my earpiece."

"Hey!" She heard Joker protest.

"Can it Moreau." She said into her earpiece.

Shepard then turned her full attention back to Bailey.

"Anyway," Bailey started. "I'll fix your problem."

Captain Bailey clicked a button on his monitor.

"There. You're no longer dead. Welcome back Commander Shepard."


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard walked past Captain Bailey's post and continued torward the elevator that would take her to the Presidium Levels.

"Hey," she said into her earpiece. "Don't interrupt again, as funny as it might be, don't."

"You thought it was funny, admit it Commander," Joker's voice said.

"Well, yes. But I don't want to look unproffesional in front of a C-Sec officer. A man of _authority_." Shepard emphasized the word 'authority'.

"If anything, you're the one with the most authority on the Citadel right now."

"Just don't do it again," Shepard said.

"I'll try and be good," Joker whimpered sarcastically.

"You'll _try?_" Shepard asked. "You better stay freaking silent Moreau."

Shepard had been watching how often she used profanity, she wanted her scars to heal and for that she would need to have a 'positive outlook' on life.

"All right Commander," he sighed.

Shepard took her finger off the earpiece and walked into the elevator, she selected the 'Presidium Levels'.

"Shepard!" Captain Anderson exclaimed as Shepard entered the room.

"Tell Anderson I said hi," Joker cut in on the comm. He let out a laugh before going silent again.

Shepard let out a scowl.

"Is there something wrong Commander?" The asari counciler asked.

Shepard hadn't realized that the Council holograms were in the room.

"Oh," Shepard looked up. "No, just... technical difficulties with the Normandy's comm channel."

"Oh, I understand." The asari nodded. "We heard you had some information with us."

Shepard stepped forward.

"As you may know, I am going against the Collectors..."

"With Cerberus," the Salarian counciler reminded her.

"Yes, but anyway, we have evidence the Collectors are helping the Reapers, Sovereign was one of many, they'll be back, and we need to be prepared."

"Shepard, as you know, Reapers are _not_ real. You saw them in your vision," The asari commented.

"And there was not enough evidence that Sovereign _was_ a Reaper," The Turian counciler said.

"Have you seen the technology? It is clearly more advanced!" Shepard argued taking a step forward.

"I'm sorry Shepard," The asari said. "We cannot help you."

"Talk to Vigil on Illos! The proof is there!"

"That hologram is no longer active Commander." The Turian said.

Shepard took another step forward thinking it made her look more intimidating.

"We_ can't _help you." The Salarian said sounding final.

"Of course you can't," Shepard shook her head.

"But we can help you personally," The asari said. "We'll reinstate your Spectre Status, but is that all we can do for you."

"I guess that's the least you can do," Shepard said peevishly taking a step back.

"We wish you luck against the Collectors," the Salarian said with a nod.

The Council holograms disappeared.

"Notice how she left out 'and Reapers' Commander?" Joker cut in.

"Please just _shut_ _up,_ Joker," Shepard sighed. "I am _not _in the mood."

"Uh, sorry." Joker sounded hurt. She would have to apoligize later.

Shepard turned away slowly.

"Why won't they believe us?" Shepard turned to Captain Anderson.

"Well it's a hard story to believe Commander," Anderson answered. "If I were in their position I wouldn't believe it either."

Anderson motioned for her to join him on his balcony.

"It's going to be hard without the councilers help, but I think you can do it. You're Commander Shepard after all."

"You could come back on the Normandy and help me. I need more people I can trust," Shepard suggested.

"Now Shepard," Captain Anderson looked her in the eyes. "I'm to old to be chasing Collectors and Reapers around the galaxy, and knowing you, you'll want to be on the frontlines."

Shepard nodded. She understood.

"Okay Anderson," Shepard said.

"Good luck Commander," Anderson concluded. "If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me."

...

Shepard walked torward the bridge. She was tired and stressed out and she knew Joker could cheer her up. She decided she'd head to Omega tomorrow to get Mordin Solus and Archangel. So after checking on how Kasumi was settling in she decided to go to the bridge to see Joker.

Suprisingly the door was locked when she arrived. _Knock knock_.

"Joker?" Shepard asked.

"What?" he replied sounding sad.

Had she really hurt his feelings that bad?

"Open up, that's an order." Shepard said the 'that's an order' part kind of sarcastically to hopefully lighten the mood.

The door hissed, then opened. Shepard walked in.

"Hey Moreau," Shepard sat on the armrest of Joker's chair. "What's up?"

Joker stared absently at his monitor.

"Hey? Wake up." Shepard flicked his hat.

Joker didn't respond.

"Moreau I'm sorry for being an ass to you today, I was just in a bad mood. About the council, about the war, everything." Shepard looked at his eyes, longing for him to look up at her so she could look up at him.

"That's not the problem..." Joker looked at her, his face lacking that goofy grin.

Shepards eyes softened.

"What's the problem?" She asked.

"It, uh... I don't want to waste your time Commander." Joker turned his attention back to the monitor.

"I don't mind," Shepard let out a caring grin.

"I just..." Joker's voice trailed off.

"Well," Shepard said. "If and when you want to tell me you know where to find me."

Shepard stood and exited the bridge.

...

Joker sat motionessly in his chair. Why did he always get so pissed after a docter's appointment? He knew they would all say 'There is no cure for Vroliks Syndrome.' He banged his keyboard, sending a sharp pain up his arm.

"Crap," he muttered looking at his hand. _Another_ visit to the Med-Bay.

Joker had never really told anyone how much having Vroliks Syndrome bothered him, how he longed to find a cure. Sure, sitting around and flying his favorite ship was fun, but he wanted to do other things too. He wanted to be able to shoot a gun without breaking his shoulder, dance without snapping a shin, to _lightly_ bang his keyboard and not break his hand. He shook his head. God, he had to get his head out of the clouds. It would _never_ happen, a cure would never show.

"EDI," he said quietly.

"Yes Mr. Moreau?" the AI responded.

Joker had gotten over the fact that EDI called him 'Mr. Moreau'. Shepard had started calling him 'Moreau' lately, so what could it hurt?

"Can you watch the Normandy, I have to go see Dr. Chakwas." Joker's hand was already slightly swollen.

"Yes Mr. Moreau." EDI said.


	5. Chapter 5

*Authors Note*

~Hey Guys! This is my first story on here and I'm surprised on how much people have read this. Please review! I need more advice! No crit though, I know I'm not exactly quoting what everyone says and I know I don't know the details of Joker's disease... But I'm trying! Thanks again :) Enjoy!~

I should probably also note that Bioware owns Mass Effect, I own nothing here. I'm just simply writing a fanfiction story. :)

Joker entered the Med-Bay, he was suprised to see Shepard, leaning on a hospital bed, talking to Dr. Chakwas. All conversation stopped when he entered the room.

"Well," Shepard said putting her hand on the Docter's shoulder. "I'll be up in my cabin."

She continued walking, gave Joker a warm smile, then brushed past him. She then continued to the elevator.

"How may I help you Joker?" Dr. Chakwas approached him.

"I, uh," Joker held up his swollen hand. "Yeah."

Dr. Chakwas examined his hand.

"Again?" Dr. Chakwas said looking at Joker. "Come sit."

"Thanks," Joker sighed.

Joker sat on the same bed Shepard had been leaning on. Dr. Chakwas was digging around in her cabinets for gauze and other supplies.

"Shepard said that you seemed...sad today," Dr. Chakwas said as she set her supplies on her desk.

"Well...yeah." Joker shrugged. "It doesn't matter though."

Dr. Chakwas looked at him.

"Joker," she said. "It _does_ matter. What happened?"

"Why do you care?" Joker said a little more harshly then intended.

Dr. Chakwas didn't seem phased. She had seen Joker in his worst moods.

"This crew isn't balanced when you're not happy," she said. "Your nickname is _Joker_ afterall."

Joker gave his head a weak nod.

"Yeah, yeah. You're right. I know. I don't know how to cheer up though."

Dr. Chakwas had gotten to work on fixing his hand, but he could tell that she was still all ears.

"Shepard mentioned something about talking it out with you." Dr. Chakwas didn't look up.

"She wanted to talk to me about what was wrong, she invited me up to her cabin..." Joker said.

"I'd take her up on that," Dr. Chakwas looked up at him for a moment. "She's good at listening and giving advice."

"I want to but..." Joker paused. Should he tell Dr. Chakwas about his feelings for her? "I'm nervous."

"Joker? Nervous? I've never heard of such a thing." Chakwas chuckled.

"Haha...well." Joker shrugged.

"Why?" Dr. Chakwas asked.

Joker fought back a blush. She was going to say something soon. He knew it.

"Well.. Uh.." What was the best way to say it...? _I guess I kinda like the Commander?_ That didn't sound weird at all. Who was he kidding!? It sounded really awkward.

"Joker?" Dr. Chakwas looked up at him. "Do you... like her?"

Joker couldn't fight the blush now.

"Yes," he looked down. There was no point in hiding it. Besides, he trusted her. Dr. Chakwas was like his mom. "But don't tell her!"

"Don't worry... Your secrets safe with me." Chakwas smiled slightly. She countinued wrapping Joker's hand. "So... how long?"

Joker blushed again.

"Do we have to go through this?" he asked.

"I'm just curious," Chakwas said smiling full on this time.

"It doesn't matter anyway. She would never go for me." Joker looked away.

"I'm not so sure about that..." Chakwas didn't look at him.

Joker's head snapped torwards her.

"What?" he asked.

Chakwas stood up all the way.

"Done." She turned to return the rest of the gauze back to the cabinet.

"Doctor!" Joker whined. " What did you mean?!"

Chakwas refused to answer him. Joker was impatient.

"Chakwas!" Joker stood up.

"Go talk to her." Chakwas patted his back lightly. She then sat down at her desk.

...

Joker stood next to the elevator nervously. He wasn't even sure if her offer still stood. Better safe then sorry.

"EDI?" Joker asked. Sometimes it helped to have an AI on board.

"Yes, Mr. Moreau?" EDI replied.

"Tell Shepard I'm coming up to her cabin." Joker felt awkard saying it _that _way.

"Shepard said to come right up," EDI said.

"Thanks," Joker commented.

"Logging you out Mr. Moreau."

The elevator opened and Joker stepped inside, he selected the '1' button. The elevator lurched upward and Joker felt nervous. _What would happen? What should he say? What would she say? _Before he knew it the door opened. Joker stepped out of the elevator. He was on the verge of shaking. He limped torward her door and it opened.

Shepard sat at her desk in front of her private terminal. A glass case held various model ships. He saw a copy of the Normandy, and a geth ship. A giant fishtank took up the left wall, a blue glow spread across the room.

"Nice place," Joker said leaning against the wall next to her bathroom door.

"Joker!" Shepard turned around. "I didn't even see you there!"

Joker shrugged. Shepard stood up.

"So... do you want to talk?" Shepard walked down her mini staircase and sat on her black, leather couch. She patted the spot next to her. Joker sat down.

"Yeah.." Joker's depressing mood suddenly returned.

"So.. Shoot."

"Well,'' where should he start. "I had another docters appointment today..."

Shepard looked at him, her face calm. She was listening.

"And... you know I have Vroliks Syndrome,"

Shepard nodded. Showing him that she knew.

"Well, I know this sounds stupid. But everytime I go I get my hopes up. I always think that the doctors magically found a cure... But each time they don't, and it just..." Joker trailed off.

"It really bothers you doesn't it?" Shepard asked, her green eyes looking at me.

"Well," Joker wanted to water it down. But he couldn't. He just had to tell someone. "You have no idea," He sighed.

Joker looked down and shook his head. He couldn't cry. Not now. That's not who he was.

Shepard nodded, waiting for him to continue.

"I really want to be able to do regular things without breaking a bone." Joker held up his wrapped hand. Shepard's eyes widened. "This was from bumping the keyboard. _Bumping_ Shepard!"

Joker shook his head.

"I can't do anything Shepard. I can fly the Normandy and that's it."

"I never knew it bothered you..." Shepard shook her head. "I always thought it made you unique. But, I just feel bad."

"Why do you feel bad?" Joker asked.

"Because I've always joked about it... And you've made it very clear that you don't like it." Shepard looked back at him.

"It's fine. You didn't know. I always joked about it myself. Please don't stop, it distracts me from it's evil." Joker grinned.

"There's the smile I missed," Shepard smiled.

"You... like my smile?" Joker asked trying not to blush again.

"Umm," Shepard stuttered. She never stuttered. A small blush on her cheeks.

Joker looked at her expectantly. Maybe this was the time to bring up what Dr. Chakwas had started hinting at.

"Dr. Chakwas said some stuff..." Joker said looking away.

"She did? Like what?" Shepard looked at him a bit surprised.

Crap.

He would have to tell her the bits of conversation before that point. He felt butterflies in his stomach. This might be the only chance he'd have.

"Well... We were talking, about you." Joker paused studying Shepard's face. She didn't move. "And I kinda started talking about my... feelings for you..." Joker paused again. Shepard still didn't move.

"Forget it." Joker stood abrubtly. "Forget I said anything."

This was a bad idea...

Joker thought. He headed toward her door.

"Wait!" Shepard called grabbing his shoulder lightly.

Joker turned to face her.

"You.. like me?" Shepard furrowed her eyebrows. That was the 'child' way to put it.

"Well...Yes." Joker looked down.

"Look at me." Shepard touched his chin softly.

Joker looked up at her. He searched her green eyes, and then she pressed her lips against his, ever so gently. Joker closed his eyes and took in the moment. She pulled back and smiled. Joker was shocked.

"I like you too," Shepard looked at him, a smile spread across her face.


	6. Chapter 6

Shepard stared at Joker for a minute or two longer. She couldn't believe that she had just _kissed _the guy of her dreams.

"Wow.." Joker rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't know..."

"I didn't know you liked me either," Shepard said quietly.

"I thought you'd like someone like Kaidan..." Joker stammered taking a step back.

"There's no one on the Normandy who's like Kaidan right now," Shepard teased. "You're all I got."

Joker smiled.

"I hope you know I'm better than Kaidan, Commander." Joker crossed his arms.

"Please, it's 'Shepard' to you." Shepard said.

"Ah, c'mon! I like calling you 'Commander' It goes with everything more... naturally." Joker shifted his weight carefully.

"Fine," Shepard sighed. "You have permission to call me both 'Shepard' and 'Commander'."

Joker nodded.

"Well... I should really get back to the cockpit..." Joker backed up a few steps.

"I'll probably come down to see you later." Shepard ran a hand through her hair.

Joker gave a quick nod.

"Aye aye ma'am," Joker gave a quick salute. And then he left.

Shepard stared at her door. She really wanted to see him now, but it was to soon. Shepard decided that before turning in for the night she'd check on Kasumi one more time. Truth was Shepard didn't know if she could trust her yet, Kasumi was a master thief after all. Shepard entered her elevator and chose deck 3. She then made hew way to the port observation deck.

"Commander," Kasumi said acknowleding Shepard as she entered the room.

"Hey," Shepard gave a quick nod.

Kasumi sat on one of the couches, her legs touching her chest.

"What brings you here?" Kasumi straightened a bit giving Shepard room to sit.

"Just wanted to check in." Shepard sat down on the same couch.

"You have a really nice ship here." Kasumi looked around the room. "It's so...quiet. I can hear my own footsteps. I'm not used to that." Kasumi focused her attention back on Shepard. "So I assume you here for more than just 'checking in'?"

"Well," Shepard paused.

"I'm not going to _steal_ anything from your ship, Commander. There's not much to steal." Kasumi said reassuringly.

Shepard immediatly felt bad for making assumptions about Kasumi. She didn't even know her.

"No, that's not why I was here," Shepard lied quickly. "I was here to see if you were fit to go on a mission tomorrow."

"Me? On a mission? With Commander Shepard?" Kasumi said. "I'd love to! What are we doing?"

Kasumi clearly showed ethusiasm.

"I have two more dossiers. They're both located on Omega."

"Who exactly are we talking about?" Kasumi turned toward Shepard.

"A scientist named Mordin Solus and Archangel." Shepard said.

"Sounds interesting. I'm in." Kasumi smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow Commander."

Shepard gave a quick nod. She entered the Normandy's elevator again and comptemplated going to deck 2 to talk to Joker. _What would it hurt?_ She thought. She was only going to say goodnight. _No._ He might need time to process what happened. Shepard returned to her cabin and fell on her bed. She decided that she should change before she fell asleep in her armor. That was _never_ comfortable. She changed into her pajama shorts and a baggy shirt with an Alliance symbol on it. She had purchased the shirt on the Citadel just to annoy Miranda. Shepard brought a comb through her short, brown locks and then pulled her hair into a sloppy bun with stray hairs hanging down around her face. She then flopped on her bed and immediatly fell asleep.

There she was. Aboard the original Normandy. Her old crew surronding her, cheering for her. Kaidan, Liara, Garrus, Tali, Wrex, Joker... All of them standing there. Their faces shifting from smiles, to frowns.

"Commander!" Joker yelled.

The scene switched to Joker in the cockpit on the original Normandy.

"There's an undetected ship coming our way!" Joker pressed buttons furiosly, his face snapping in different directions.

Then it changed to Liara, running up to her while the Normandy was in flames.

"Joker won't evacuate!" She said pulling her helmet above her head.

"Get everyone into the shuttle! I haul Joker's crippled ass outta here!" Shepard said pushing Liara toward a open shuttle where Kaidan, Dr. Chakwas, and various other members of the crew sat, ready for take off.

"Shepard.." Liara said looking back at her. A hint of sorrow and regret in it.

"Go!" Shepard yelled. "That's an order!"

Shepard didn't want to yell at her, but she would've died if she didn't. Liara pressed the shuttle button and then jumped in before the doors closed. With a hiss and a pop the shuttle flew out of the Normandy. Shepard raced forward, she saw Garrus pushing Tali into a shuttle. Garrus looked at her and held out his hand. Shepard shook her head.

"I have to get Joker, you go." Garrus nodded and entered the shuttle. She looked inside real quick. Wrex was also inside along with Engineer Adams. She gave a quick nod and pressed the button.

Shepard continued racing forward... She heard Joker scream, she felt the darkness enclose her, she couldn't breathe. She hadn't reached him, she had failed. She gasped for air, and then everything went dark. In this dream she had _not _died happy.

Shepard awoke with a start. Cold sweat encased her. She shook her head. But she had saved Joker, and she was back now. Her dream seemed so real, she had failed. Her clock said 2:30 am. She had to talk to someone. Joker. She stood up and grabbed an old blanket off of her couch and wrapped it around herself. She quietly exited her room and entered the elevator.

The elevator opened.

Chambers was not at her post, but nobody was, it was 2 in the morning afterall.

Shepard approached the bridge with caution.

"Joker?" Shepard whispered as she walked up behind him.

"Shepard?" Joker asked concerned as he swiveled his chair around. "It's two in the morning. What are you doing up?"

"I just.. Couldn't sleep. Bad dream." Shepard sat herself on the armrest of his chair.

Joker eased her onto his lap carefully.

"You don't always have to sit there." Joker laughed weakly.

Shepard set her head on his chest and Joker put his arms around her. Shepard hated reliving that horrible moment. The original Normandy blowing up made her feel like she had failed her crew. Everyone. Made her feel like her friends hadn't died for a good cause, like Chief Gunnery Williams or Navigator Pressly. What made it worse was the part where she _hadn't _saved Joker. She'd failed him too.

"What happened?" Joker asked. "In your dream?"

"The Normandy blew up again..." Shepard started. "I failed the crew, I failed Ashley, I failed Pressly," she sighed. "I failed you."

"How?" a frown settled on Joker's face.

"In my dream I didn't save you. We both died. Only I was brought back, and you weren't."

"It's not real Commander," Joker said calmly. "I'm still alive and you haven't failed anyone."

Shepard gave a slight nod. She had a second chance. To avenge the first Normandy's destruction, to make up for her mistakes, to make better choices, to be a better soldier, to be a better person. Not only for herself but for her crew, new and old. For Joker, Dr. Chakwas, Liara, Tali, Kaidan, Wrex, Garrus, Ashley, even Kasumi. Shepard had a second chance, and she wasn't going to waste it. She would defeat the Collectors, she would defeat the Reapers. What did people always say? First is the worst, _second is the best. _Her second time around would be better. She knew it.


End file.
